Avoiding Blame When You Support Someone
Launch library · evergreen read
Even well meaning questions can unintentionally sound like blame, particularly ones that focus closely on choices made before something happened. Responsibility for harm never sits with the person it happened to, regardless of the circumstances. It matters more than any perfectly chosen words ever could on their own. It helps someone feel less alone, even in a brief exchange.
Keeping your language focused on care, rather than analysis of what could have been done differently, protects the person from feeling like they need to defend themselves to you. This kind of care rarely goes unnoticed, even if it is never mentioned. It shows that your support was never conditional on knowing every detail.
If you want to think this through carefully with someone else, support is available whenever you need it. 1800RESPECT is on 1800 737 732, and Lifeline is on 13 11 14, any hour of the day or night. There is no wrong time to ask for a little support. Whatever you are feeling right now is reason enough to call.